I wrote this essay to get in a scholarship program.... how is it?

i no its super cheesy that socrates is my hero but the cheesier the more chances i can get in.....

please help me and evaluate this first part of my essay...

My hero The father of philosophy, Socrates, was a man of great honor. As a young man, he used to go to the 鈥淎urora鈥? the Greek market place, to learn and debate with others. He did not take or receive any money from these debates but he did gain lifelong friendships with commoners such as, Crito and Caleb. His want to learn, or as he called it,鈥?love for wisdom鈥?is capturing. This makes me want to learn, not for any purpose but that of my own satisfaction. His value of friendships over money and/or any material objects, is very unrealistic and a new concept for me. From all he has done, his value, morals and virtue are the largest thing of all. In his conversation with Crito, recorded by Plato, we learn much about his character. These dialogs occurred after his trial, at prison, where he was to await his death.

I wrote this essay to get in a scholarship program.... how is it?norton internet security

Honestly? It depends on what grade/age-group the scholarship is for as well as the intention of the scholarship. What you've written here is not an essay, but a short answer to a question, whcih is suspect is just part of the application process.

You have a decent answer - but it isn't outstanding. A few things to keep in mind:

- the reader knows who Socrates is, don't spend time describing him too much, just talk about his achivements and why you respect him

- "a man of great honour" is not something you should put in an answer to a question about your role models. That is a value judgement and especially since you haven't given evidence of it, superfluous.

- always end your short answers with a reiteration of the opening i.e., "and this is why Socrates is my hero"

good luck.